Headers

So I spend a small chunk of each morning deleting the hordes of spam I get in my office mail box. The mass of which is due to my former position as a webmaster of a major academic website, and another reason I am glad I passed that buck along.

However, recently, I noticed I was thinking a bit about the subjects of each spam as I deleted them. I didn't know I was doing this before, but when I noticed, I realized I had been doing it for some time.

So, having a new web journal-creature to feed, I decided to share a few. With my off the keyboard comments.

All subjects are from messages with actual bodies of information, and not empty messages. I am presuming that somewhere down the line a human was involved somehow in each of their origins. I really hope so, anyways.

Subject: Urgent and confidential
The African bank account spam. Millions for greed, not one penny left in the checking account should one follow through. The sheer mass of these I get is impressive however, and account for the single biggest group of spams, after the Worm Klez virus. Thank Babbage and Grace Hopper I have a Mac.

Subject: (±§∞Ì)"¥øÌ ∑Œøˆ¡¯ ø‹»Øƒ´µÂ∏¶ ∏∏≥™∫∏ø‰!~~" Y771
These always intrigue me. I'm figuring they come from Asia, some place with non-latin characters to represent language. I can look at them as images. I can seek patterns and shapes in the characters that cover the window. Or, I sometimes try and sound them out using the formula of the Unix poem at http://www.interweavers.com/brett/humor/unix.poem.html. Hey. Beats working. But it rarely sounds as good as the poem.

Subject: Middle earth rap
I was warned before I got this. It... has its moments. I like Tolkein, but i just can't be too geeky over him. If you want, it's at: http://lotr.fistfulayen.com/

Subject: SPAM: molecule as data storage device
Ok, real spam *never* announces itself. It's trying to sneak through whatever filter, expectation, or wariness a user has up and running. And besides, spam has to be either grossly misleading, sexual, unintelligible, or completely unapplicable to any aspect of my life to be the good stuff. Really. Calling interesting info spam. *Clapping hands sharply like a choreographer* Focus, people.

Subject: movie, Friday?
Ok, not really spam, but one of those messages folks send you so late as to be useless. I shake my head and delete. And it would have been a *good* movie, dammit.

Subject: Societal Dimensions Funding at NSF
Another class of spam (I guess I'm classifying them now). The how-did-I-wind-up-on-this-mailing-list spam. I mean, it is kinda interesting, but I'm not a researcher, and not a grant writer, and as for societal dimensions, well. I'm working on it. Here, as a matter of fact.

Subject: Win $1,000 for your opinion!
Keeping opinions to myself is not always a strong suit, but rarely have I been afforded such a lucrative opportunity for sharing them. However, as usual it was unclear who would control the intellectual property rights, so I deleted this.

Subject: Hello, xxxxx, eager to see you
Ahh. The sex spam. What morning would be complete without it. But, in case any spammers are reading, I am not into teens, pets, vegetation, mail order brides from Russia or elsewhere, web cams, sleepovers, bad lingerie, or guys, though I am sure there are markets and interested readers for all those. Elsewhere. But send the good lingerie stuff. It's not for me. It's for a friend to be named later.

Subject: Returned mail--"language"
So I get this message back from the mail server of a company where a friend of mine works. I look over my message and... nothing. I didn't say so much as "have a ball during vacation". Makes me wish I had thrown in a "damn" or a "pisser". I wonder what gets through. Filters and firewalls really don't seem to be very smart. I bet they cause more trouble than they are worth.

Subject: Complete New Computers For Just $199!!
Ok, just I wouldn't trust a $200 box. Maybe things are that cheap on the pc side now (I don't keep up) but I file this under the "you get what you pay for" file. I think the days of computer revolutions coming out of garages aren't gone, and but the revolution isn't gonna be announced thru spams.

Subject: If you're an E-MAiL marketer, then you need this cd
The just in case spam. In case you're who I want you to be, read this. I'll send it to entire major domains, in case. In case you ever wanted to be an email marketer and perpetuate this heinous strategy, buy this.

Subject: A very powful tool
My first thought was that whatever the tool is, it's obviously not a spell checker. I didn't have a second thought. Delete.

From: italydancegrandprix@dancegrandprix.com
To: ceremonial@tierradelfuego.org.ar
Subject: "WorlDancEvent" Newsletter Dancefestival 2003 Season

My interest here was wondering why Italian dancers wanted to recruit Argentinian Patagonians. But, it is the web after all. Interesting connections get made. And the Tierra del Fuego site is not bad to look at. Even better if you know Spanish, I reckon. http://www.tierradelfuego.org.ar/

Subject: F-R-E-E 30 day supply of H G H
Human Growth Hormone. From the rising volume of emails on this, it's the new snake oil. Good for what ails ya. I was particularly drawn to the slight effort to get around spam filters in the word free.

Subject: Earn Your Fortune on eBay!
eBay. The tower of commercial babel on the internet. On speed. I know it well. I still look for things there in a pinch, but as a site it seems to get harder to use, instead of easier. I am still amazed at what folks will pay or have paid for swag and tchotchkes, gee-gaws and doo-dads. And I am including myself in this.

Subject: Download FREE Digital e-Book Publishing Software
Ok, this is a soap-box topic for me. I'll try to be concise. The codex form, the kind we usually carry around and read, is a better technology, functionally and socially, for most books, except maybe reference books, than current electronic schemes. And then it depends on how the reference e-book is made, especially the interface. I know folks who read entire e-books, and I am watching you. Both of you.

Subject: Father concerned his son is doing something illegal
As well he should be. But I'm not going to tell him. Maybe John Ashcroft, but not me
.

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frosty@stayfrosty.com

10 December 2002